Sha Blee Blee
11 years ago
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I have been in a really weird place lately. I feel like there is this sense of God doing something big in my life around me and in my life directly. Which is AWESOME! I don't ever remember a time when I have felt so aware of God working around me. But on the other end is this feeling that every time I turn around there is something negative happening! You know, one step forward, two steps back. It's hard to keep your eyes straight ahead and on the prize when people on every side are falling away. I need people. I am a people person. I am stronger when I have certain people around me. Most of my life those people have been my family. But, I think I am beginning to realize that I have leaned on them too hard. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but there is a certain risk involved in putting yourself out there to someone other than your family. They don't HAVE to love you, so you take the risk. Recently, there have been certain people in my life that I was convinced was my support and my strength. Then, things start happening to them, too. I begin thinking, "They can't keep me strong, if they aren't strong, either." So, the verse comes to mind, "in my weakness, He is made strong". I have to keep reminding myself that my strength is in the Lord and not in people. But I also know that God gives us people in our lives that make us better. And right now, I feel like those people who were making me stronger are slipping away. I feel a little out of control. Like no amount of talking or praying will make them stay where they are and who I need them to be. How do I let them know how I feel without totally pushing them away? I just keep looking for the one step forward, and praying for God to take care of the two steps back. It's the only way I can keep from pulling my hair out!
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1 comment:
I know those feelings are a scary place to be. The hard lesson I've learned is people are constantly changing, growing and those are the people you do want to be around but if they change then their relationship with you change and sometimes thats frustrating.
I think a mistake that I've made is thinking that friendships arent messy and are only surface.. when a true relationship is messy because feelings are involved.
There comes a point too I think when we stop to evaluate how we do everything, what we think about everything and what our priorities are and what the relationships in our lives mean and how it effects us.
If your only needing friendships to keep you sane, to keep you strong then I think you'll start to see those relationships fall away. The dependencies have to stop at some point and I believe God will do that until you understand what it is he is trying to teach you. This doesnt mean he doesnt want you to have friends it just means he doesnt want you depending on people or things in order for your life or for other things to work.. we just need to be depending on Him and trusting that He is bigger than the box we put him in.
Its important for you to say how you feel to someone though, if you dont then your friendship will suffer. If they are true friends then you should be able to say how your feeling and things your going through without being defensive.
One other thought is if you see friendships changing and growing as hard as it is to see your relationship change cause its easier to just keep things the way they are when it comes to relationships, we need to respect, try to understand and try to think about things from a different perspective. Not that this changes anything but it helps with our relationships changing and growing.
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